Anti-Social in a Social Scene
  Written By Titmowse

I had to be around other people for four whole days.

I think I’m like many of you. I’m a lone wolf, from the middle of nowhere. I stalk this dirty forest. I’m grabbing food and finding shelter when I can and where I can. Ever since I went full-time I don’t get out much. I quit partying years ago but home employment is a completely different existence. I’m kind of like a stay-at-home wife without a husband. I see other grownups when I shop for food and clothes and household supplies. I wait with anticipation for the mailman. I keep the 24-hour news channel playing on my television most of the time, just to stay in contact with the outside world. I have sheltered myself into a social cocoon. Most times I like it but it gets a little lonesome. So when Cozy sent me to INTERNEXT Las Vegas this last January 4-7, 2004, I was ready for some company.

As a telecommuter from a cyber hermitage, I often forget how hard it is to physically interact with the populace. Real life networking is an intensive process.

Communication with my peers on the web has spoiled me. Behind the safety of my monitor, nobody sees me roll my eyes or yell at my computer screen. I type what I say and sometimes I get to edit what I say after the fact. In the real world I don’t have that luxury. I the real world, whatever I do, whatever I say, I have witnesses. If you plan to attend one of the many upcoming adult webmaster events, maybe you need a reminder about the difference between a cyber environment and a real one. If you’re like me, you’ve been away from the nine-to-five world. In your world the web is as real as the world we stand upon. In cyberspace, you can get plastered while you work, pass out and no one will ever know. You can’t get plastered while you work, period. You may have exchanged clever bon mots with big boys online. That doesn’t make you best friends in real time. On the net, we’re encouraged to be outrageous. In actual life, outrageous people get fired from jobs. In the adult Internet, we say, “fuck you” like it’s “hello”. In regular society, “fuck you” still means, “fuck you”.

There isn’t any hard statistical data on adult Internet companies. Nevertheless, my theory is that of the currently successful cyberporn slingers, at least 85% of them are under forty. I believe there’s at minimum 35% who can claim the adult web profession as their first and only job. If there were statistics, I theorize the numbers would show our industry to be a collectively young and socially inexperienced group. That’s not a bad thing, on the web, behind a nickname, hidden from sight. In public, at conventions and gatherings, where real laws apply, real life inexperience can be problematic.

Don’t think I say this as an old playa hater. I can tell you for a fact that kids under thirty don’t have to be adult webmasters in order to screw up in public. I worked in nightclubs and bars for a long time. It’s almost always the patrons under twenty who get too drunk, throw a punch and are kicked out.

What I am trying to say is that on top of their age, many adult webmasters have to contend with the whole anti-social nature of this business. Parents can only teach so much. Some of this stuff must be learned alone. Brick and mortar workers have to do unpleasant things if they want to get anywhere up any ladder. We have to smile when we don’t mean it. We have to be nice to asshole employers. We have to behave ourselves at the bank or the post office or the grocery store or even the clubs. What happens to the successful young adult webmaster who’s never had to work for someone else? How is it possible to interact with peers in the physical world when you spend all of your days in the virtual one?

There’s been a lot of talk lately about adult webmasters and their behavior at conventions and gatherings. There are some who believe every drunken puke story brings us closer to annihilation as an industry. I think that along with the kids, there’s a whole lot of cackling old hens disguised as adult webmasters in these woods. I think the adult Internet is a tad younger and wetter behind the ears than other professions. I think we have a rock star/pimp/gangster mentality but we have little real-world respect. I think a bunch will flame up and burn out and most of them will be young. I also believe we’ll soon tame that orgiastic myth of the cyber pornographer at a convention full of cooch.

I had a great time in Vegas because I’ve had great times before and I know when to stop. I left parties early so in my eyes, everyone was sober. I was civil and cordial as long as I could take it on the show floor and when I couldn’t, I went back to my room. I didn’t try to suck up or beg or hang on to anyone. I did fall on the way out of the GFY party but that’s because I’m a klutz. I only had two beers that night, I fucking swear... Okay, I’ll shut up now.