What is it called when you have your appendix removed?

An appendectomy.

What is it called when you have your tonsils removed?

A tonsilectomy.

What is it called when a women has her uterus removed?

A historectomy.

What is it called when a women has a sex change operation?

An addadicktome.

Jim was dating a new girl. After dating a while he finally got around to the big question ... Sex?

The answer was always no.

Not being one to give up easily he finally talks her into letting him put just the head in, promising on his word of honor that he won't go any further.

Well, the big moment arrived and he put just the head in, but not being able to stand the stress, he rammed it in as far as it would go. She said, "Goddam that feels good, go ahead and put it all the way in!"

At that Jim says, hell no, a promise is a promise!

A truck driver was driving downhill pretty fast, he saw a couple making love in the middle of the road.

He honked really loud but nothing could stir their heaty lovemaking session.

He braked just inches away from the couple. He got down angrily and shouted at the couple, "Didn't you both hear my truck?"

The guy replied finally after jerking off," You see, I was coming and she was coming, then you were coming, but you're the only one who had brakes."

Cinderella really wanted to go to the ball. So her fairy godmother said "Okay, but there are two stipulations. First, you must wear this diaphragm." The fairy godmother hands it to her. "No problem, what is the other?" asks Cinderella. "You must be home by midnight, because the diaphragm will turn back into a pumpkin." So Cinderella agrees and goes off to the ball.

At a quarter after twelve, the fairy godmother was getting worried. Twelve-thirty came and went with no sign of Cinderella. Finally, at one o'clock, she comes home. "Where have you been? I have been worried sick!" says the fairy godmother. "Well, I met this really great guy and we were having so much fun that I didn't want to leave" she replied. "What about the pumpkin?" asked her godmother. "I told him about my problem, and he said he could take care of it." she replied. "That's impossible, nothing can override my magic." said her godmother. "As you can see, I am just fine." replied Cinderella. "Tell me who this man is, for I have got to know whose power is stronger than mine." demanded her fairy godmother. Cinderella responded, " I believe his name was Peter, Peter ...

These two guys go camping, and after two weeks, decide they need a break from each other. So they decide to split up for a few days, and meet up back at the campsite.

When they return, the first guy says, "I had the most wonderful time! I hiked for a few miles, and found a beautiful little stream in a valley. There was a little deer, drinking out of the stream it was wonderful! I spend the whole three days there."

"Well, that's okay," says the second guy, "but check _this_ out. I followed some train tracks, and found a gorgeous girl, tied to the tracks! I untied her, and we had the most amazing sex, for three days, in every imaginable position!"

"Wow!" says the first guy, envious. "Did she give you oral sex?"

"No," says the second guy. "I couldn't find her head."

Why do we have orgasms?

How else would men know when to stop?

Two old guys were sitting on a bus bench when a good looking young blond with a short skirt got off.

One old guy says to the other Boy I sure would like to get a piece of that.

The other old guy says yeah, me too but mine just doesn't work anymore.

The other one says don't you know how to keep that thing working?

He says no, how do you do that?

The other old guy says you have to eat a lot of French bread.

So this guy goes the store and buys 100 loaves of French bread. When he gets up to the checker she tells him don't you know that's going to get hard before you eat all that?

And he says Oh! you've heard about that too!

New Drugs for Men …

With Viagra such a hit, Pfizer is bringing forth a whole line of drugs oriented towards improving the performance of men in today's society.

DIRECTRA - A dose of this drug given to men before leaving on car trips caused 72 percent of them to stop and ask for directions when they got lost compared to a control group where only 0.2 percent asked for directions.

PROJECTRA - Men given this experimental new drug were far more likely to actually finish a household repair project before starting a new one.

CHILDAGRA - Men taking this drug reported a sudden, overwhelming urge to perform more child-care tasks, especially cleaning up spills and little accidents.

COMPLIMENTRA - In clinical trials, 82 percent of middle-aged men administered this drug noticed that their wives had a new hairstyle. Currently being tested to see if its effects extend to noticing new clothing.

BUYAGRA - Married and otherwise attached men reported a sudden urge to buy their sweeties expensive jewelry and gifts after taking this drug for only two days. Still to be seen: whether the drug can be continued for a period longer than your favorite store's return limit.

NEGA-VIAGRA - Has the exact opposite effect of Viagra. Currently undergoing clinical trials on sitting U.S. presidents.

NEGA-SPORTAGRA - This drug had the strange effect of making men want to turn off televised sports and actually converse with other family members.

CAPAGRA - Caused test subjects to become uncharacteristically fastidious about lowering toilet seats and replacing toothpaste caps. Subjects on higher doses were seen dusting furniture.

PRYAGRA - About to fail its clinical trial, this drug gave men in the test group an irresistible urge to dig into the personal affairs of other people. Note: Apparent overdose turned three test subjects into special prosecutors.

LIAGRA - This drug causes men to be less than truthful when they are asked about their sexual affairs. Will be available in Regular, Grand Jury and Presidential Strength versions.